Dealing With Other People

Sometimes people can be really stupid without knowing it. With death many people do not know what to say so they say the first thing that pops into their head. You may get some comments that makes you want to slap a person but don't do it. Normally the person isn't being rude but saying something they feel is comforting. In some rare cases you may have someone who is truly being rude but for most situations it is just a person trying to he helpful but isn't realizing people could take a different interpretation of what they are saying.

Here are some comments I have seen people post in online forums that was said to them.

- It was meant to be.

- It is Gods plan.

- Maybe it was for the best.

- They are in a better place.

- Maybe you were just not meant to be a parent.

- It is time to get over it and move on.

- You are still young enough to have other children.

- You could always adopt another child.

- You miscarried so it wasn't a real baby yet anyways.

- Your baby was stillborn so its not like you got to know them.

- You need to keep going and stop dwelling in the past.

Some of these comments appear to be completely normal to those who haven't experienced losing a child. To those of us who have lost children these comments make us extremely upset.

Our child was meant to die? So they were born for the soul purpose to pass away and make our hearts ache?

It is Gods plan to give us a child and then take it away?

It is for the best for our child to leave us?

What better place is there for a child to be than with their loving parents?

When the police and EMTs were still at our house there was an EMT there who asked how old I was. I said I was 27. He said I was still young enough to have other babies. I was infuriated. I was very close to slapping him til I realized I had 5 police officers standing in my living room. My baby isn't a goldfish! You don't lose one and trot on down to the baby store and buy another.

Another incident was when the coroner came. It was a woman in her early to mid 20s. She asked if Cory was sick at all and I told her he had a stomach flu a few days. I told her I had the same symptoms and it wasn't that bad and being the weekend I was waiting to take him to the doctor. She then yelled at me that a good parent would have taken their child to the doctor. I started bawling. With my first 2 children I would take them to the doctor at every sneeze. I even had doctors tell me I was taking them in too much and to not bring them in unless they had a fever or I though something was seriously wrong. Now I constantly worry about illness.